July 13

Woke up in the night without vivid dreams but with a massive irritation in my nose. Woke up with a nosebleed in the morning last time that happened (two days ago) but seems to be ok for now! 

Hands are sore - mostly tendons and muscles. Feel stiff and cramped all over, especially shoulders, hands, mid-lower back and legs. Putting feet to the floor was like bursting a thousand little blood vessels. 

Time to soldier through another day! If I can keep off the prescribed painkillers until the pain is REALLY bad, that will be fantastic. It’s more tempting now they’re there but a) liver damage and b) ability to function would be impaired. And I need to work.

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Stomach upset today. The IBS launch is never a good sign, but part - and - parcel of the package. Appetite has been decreasing noticeably, weight continues to gain no matter how little I eat and currently feeling sick following eating breakfast. 

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Still feeling nauseous but haven’t been drinking properly the last few days. That could be a reason. 

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More acne flare-ups. The clinic called to push my appointment back two weeks because a practitioner called in sick today. So minor and yet battled with depression all morning over it. Some days it feels like every time I try to step forward towards healing whatever is wrong, I have twenty steps back.

Struggled to wake again today, right before work, so haven’t showered yet. Might skip today as well. It takes too much mental energy. That’s not helping. 

One coffee in and nearly one bottle of water down. If drinking water is the only fight I can win today, it’ll be worth it.

And so much for deciding I don’t want to be on meds and I’m going to fight the doctors attempting to drug-treat every symptom instead of helping locate the problem; I’m now on four different medications and caving because I’m too tired to fight and need to battle on to another day. 

Well, like I always do - I’m blessed enough to have a week where I’m normal, so I’ll get what I can done in that week and fight some more then. Now to survive.

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Comforting to remember that “all things work together for good, to those who love God and to those who are called according to His purpose”. There is a reason beyond this pain and confusion and brain fog. There is a reason the appointment was moved. Even if it’s as small as God caring for financials I couldn’t foresee. There always is a purpose. Place myself in His care and trust Him with what my brain cannot cope with right now. #faithlikeachild

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So tired I’m now yawning with tears running down my face. Took the meds for nausea (blockage or whatever, it was prescribed by the doctor) and the anti-depressant. Struggling to carry out my tasks at any speed and remain focused. 

Just had a really bad dizzy spell. Can’t wait for this to be over.

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Feeling somewhat better, if it weren’t for the fuzzy head! Pain levels reduced a little, stomach stopped causing so many issues, nausea gone down to noticeableif-I-think-about it levels. Tiredness still there but ruling  it with piano music. Yay Mozart!

Apparently the side effects of the anti-nausea drug is extreme sleepiness. That would explain earlier. 😬

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Work complete for today. Moved from the sofa to lie down for a bit until A comes home. Then we’ll go for a walk in some local country hall grounds. My body dreads it and my soul and mind need it. Body can get screwed. That’s what walking sticks are for the next day, right? (Won’t use it unless I absolutely have to.)

Just had a moment...the medicine I took earlier today, I’ve no idea if it was the right one for what I took it for. So much for starting four medications at once. Can’t remember what’s wrong to match it. 🤣

Fingers aching. Will wrap this up later. Have to cook tonight. Too much takeaways last week.

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Had a lovely walk this evening. Sun shining and blue skies and clear water. <3 perfect.

Sore. Tired. Not sleepy. Don’t feel like writing so closing off today.