July 19

 Thanks to taking 3 cocodamol to get through the night (2, then 1 after a neighbour dispute woke and kept us up for two hours, don’t look at me like that!) and my sleeping tablet, it was extremely difficult to wake this morning. It was like...consciousness of what was going on, noises, my dog...without being able to wake - I kept slipping back into the sleep without being able to open my eyes. Until A gently shook my shoulder and talked to me and wakefulness clicked.

Pain was minimal on waking, which was nice, but has slowly worsened through the day. Usual pain in hands/shoulder/legs but hardly noticeable - like an ache, compared to usual levels - thanks to the back that feels like it’s the centre of a new nervous system - all humming a new personalised song of pain - and a swollen belly that feels so painfully extended (it’s swollen to its max) that i wonder vaguely if I can explode. Been walking around cradling it like I’m pregnant, haha. And shaped like it. Can’t sit still. The clots have started coming, and it’s only the second day...they’ll only worsen and the pain and discomfort deepen. 

Didn’t want to eat. Figured body needed nutrients with this heat so gave it some watery tomato soup and cheese. Now I feel sick. 

Brain fog is severe. With the amount of works and dog reactions going on around today, it’s extremely difficult to concentrate or think. Vague thoughts cross my mind about the ending of it all so I don’t have to go through this again, every three weeks, and my loved ones can have an end instead of feeling stressed out, exhausted, picking up more stuff, like I’ve forgotten or don’t care or don’t love them. But I know in the back of my mind - the joys of a pre-trodden and well-worn track - that this will solve nothing and cause more pain that it stops, so it gets pushed aside and lost in the mist. 

I just want my brain back. 

So tired. Not supposed to take caffeine with fibro and IBS but how can I help it?? I need to - and want to - do my job to the best of my ability and can’t when I’m sat here like a stupid zombie.

Sertraline, doxycycline, zopiclone, cocodamol. Inhaler.

Trying not to let A carry more than he can handle, and praying for strength to carry more than I can bear.

Just keep swimming. Second full day of period, two more days of pain. Possibly three. I’ll find out.

Just keep breathing, just keep swimming. There’s a week with less pain up ahead.

———

Nausea still there, though thankfully the vomiting sensation has gone! 

Pain manageable on 1 cocodamol; trying not to take 2 unless absolutely necessary.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

July 18

Today started off well. Barring the insane heat! Had a fab weird dream re Doctor Who in the night and woke up once in the night due to pain in both arms from elbow to fingertips with pins and needles. Otherwise good! And longer sleep. Church went well this morning, we were able to listen and think and PB was good. Also thankfully did all the heavy lifting work yesterday so today we got to play with PB in the paddling pool and watch The Chosen this afternoon. Preferred sitting position - at least my legs won’t give out under me like yesterday - had to cook with A while sitting in a chair! (He encouraged me not to but guilt and independence - bad.) Period nominally started yesterday but takes 24 hours to work up to HI PAIN tsunami. Which will last for around 3 days with 5 days of exhaustion. Which is progressively worsening right now. Back, stomach, legs, the works. I want to sit but am forcing movement but will be taking painkillers shortly. Cocodamol ftw. Chicken. Cooking a curry for t...
Read more

July 14, 15 & 16

Such a beautiful day outside! Love the sunshine and blue sky. The earth hasn’t started heating up yet so the air is still quite cool. No weird dreams last night I recall, but a heavy exhaustion feeling that’s hanging over - kinda like a hangover. 😋 Still so tired. Pain in standing again with backache. Joints starting to hurt if I stay too long in one place. Skin feels tight - that’ll translate into burning pain in a couple days time.  I’m in the office today so need to hurry to shower, put my face on and dress smart.  —— Head still exhaustion-foggy. Over-sensitivity to pain. Sore joints. On the way to work. ——- Been a stable couple of days. Taking the new sleeping drug has actually helped me sleep more quickly and deeply, resulting in less acute pain and meaning I can function more. Can see why people become reliant! Anxiety levels are still ridiculously high for no reason. Keep having mini panic attacks when I think about doing things which, when it actually gets to doing th...
Read more

July 12

 Been lying here at midnight completely exhausted but with too much on my mind. Thought I was so tired I’d sleep off and hopefully avoid the weird vivid dreams of the last few days with all the tensions and stresses manifesting so clearly and making me stressed out, exhausted and even guilty on waking. But no. Still wide awake. Despite the yawning and tears running out the corners of my eyes and down my face. My hubby is lying next to me with the fan on max. He’s boiling. I’m lying under the quilt shivering. But then my body’s been shutting down all day. but A, PLS STOP MOVING. You’re letting all the cold air in.  So despite the cramps in my hands and aches in my thumbs, which will worsen tomorrow as I deal with another day of typing...why not start a blog sharing the pain and the life with it? It’ll stop me ranting elsewhere, ensure only those who care listen, occupy me until sleep catches up with exhaustion and hopefully, one day, someone will see who can help me on my journ...
Read more